Crack open that can of Thums Up and get ready for pretty much the greatest episode of The Dave Hill Goodtime Hour, as Dave, Dez and Chris discuss the Golden Globes, meth heads, traffic tickets, and bestiality before welcoming comedian Clare O'Kane to further discuss bestiality and how it pertains to both Larry Flynt and Gary Busey. Recorded live March 1, 2021.
Crack open that can of Thums Up and get ready for pretty much the greatest episode of The Dave Hill Goodtime Hour, as Dave, Dez and Chris discuss the Golden Globes, meth heads, traffic tickets, and bestiality before welcoming comedian Clare O'Kane to further discuss bestiality and how it oddly pertains to Larry Flynt and Gary Busey. Recorded live March 1, 2021.
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no no you're you're an angel witch i nailed it hello
and welcome to the dave hill good time hour with me dave hill from before hello how are you and how are you uh when the first time i said how are you that was to the the viewers slash list nurse and now i say new jersey chicken rancher dez how are you doing great dave how's everybody i mean to you and chris oh everybody boy criminal chris griswick how goes it good goes well what's on your shirt tonight oh this is another shirt from discountcemetery.com i'm trying to get sponsored by them you're i know you keep dropping their names name written produced and directed by edward d wood jr also known as edward thanks man
man oh man i think i think if i've learned anything you know when when in the early days well for the longest time
i used to talk about tate's cookies constantly before they were everywhere all the rage everywhere like from when they were just like there would just be one bag of them on a in like a few delis around new york i swear they were not everywhere now they're literally everywhere and i was on board with him and i would mention them all the time in hopes that they would be like let's hook this guy up with some cookies good cookie to go after for sure never happened i even i think i even emailed them at one point and said like what has to be done doesn't todd barry get a ton of stuff just by talking about it celebrity todd barry celebrity todd barry i think he he does get stuff but he like tweets at companies and i don't know if he's like
gotten anything awesome like not like i got a bunch of crown oil let's get to everything um i don't know if he could he gets like stuff like off-brand energy drinks i think i could be wrong we'll get some answers yeah we'll talk about this with our incredible guest tonight clara cain who is also friends with celebrity todd berry maybe when then we can call todd and then question him on his uh his whole deal no but he does get quite a lot of stuff i'll give him that but is it worth it in the end
yes probably probably is absolutely worth it um did you guys watch do you guys have glow golden globes fever or did you and are you or are you still coming down from it i didn't even know that they were on but so yeah that feels like a no yeah okay so you do so you do um but yeah you do you also have the fever dust not golden globe fever but just some kind of fever a mild kind of fever what kind of fever do you have ah it's not legal so we better not get into it oh oh oh oreo are you on crystal meth no no but i probably could get it out here really are you in mouth land you know we've gone on a couple rides out here and sometimes you go one country road too far and you'll see like people making out on a bridge and some kids riding a bike and and somebody's swimming in the river down below so it can go south real quick that just sounds nice to me sometimes you know on paper it might sound nice but you see a different vibe when when when yeah yeah i'm so naive whenever i see something like that i'm like oh those people are just having a wild night not thinking like oh no they're total methods it never occurs to me yeah something could be going really wrong very soon here for all these people everyone's on meth though isn't that how it is it's not how it works everyone's on meth and heroin now seems that way it's the craze if i read the news correctly um no i shouldn't i'm not making light of it but it seems to be uh quite popular um i didn't see the golden globes i intended to i was i was watching programs that were being discussed on the golden globes yeah i saw a few few clips i watched all of uh you know what show i've been really enjoying he won uh an award last night uh ted lasso everybody's talking about ted lasso yeah it's really good i resisted it because the more people tell me to watch a show i i start to fight it i start saying no i'm not going to watch that show just because you keep telling me to watch it i can get behind that kind of mentality sure but several people that i trust told me to watch it and they said i think sensing my profound depression they were like it's a real light uh light-hearted feel-good kind of show that you should watch it and i was like well no i want to stay mired in my own chris what are you typing are you typing uh meth quick search in my area it's going to type yeah yeah meth in my area would help queen's isn't that could you type louder or do you have like a mic on your inserted in your keyboard no you know what i'm sorry i had the mic on the wrong setting is that idiot can you still can you still hear it yes pretty much not as bad ah damn it i'm sorry i'm searching for you i'm enraged i'm enraged we also have so anyway i've been really enjoying that program i watched all of it nice not to brag i've been watching one division i haven't seen it yet that seems like it might be too high tech for me i was resisting it like you were saying with ted lasso was kind of holding it off i gave dez a reading list or a viewing list before watching it every every person that i spoke to about wand division has said you got to get through the first three episodes and yeah normally i'm okay with that kind of mentality we're like all right you got to go with where they're going but when when it's universal that the first three episodes are like a slog and homework it's kind of the show's got a lot of itself it's it's a lot of work still for me too you have to get through the first five or six seasons yeah and it'll make sense and then it really kicks in yeah um someone is saying observing judgment uh d-bomb is saying spring is in the air in ohio i disagree
i think it's cold and miserable maybe not everywhere has it topped 40 degrees by you yet uh like for a second i did have a sort of a spring like thing which made me um start thinking i'm gonna i gotta me mosey on back home to new york because i want to be there i want to be i like a nice spring in new york even with a pandemic sure it seems like a lot of people are getting the vaccine all my friends are getting the vaccine it's all coming down are they uh are they skipping lines or are they they waiting their cards they everyone seems to have some like health condition yeah or a backdoor connection with the yeah how does that work if you're just like super rich can you just get one i don't know um i thought you would know dave because i'm super rich well i'm a man of people so i actually uh i do i ca i could get the vaccine in new york based on my health or lack i technically have a heart condition and technically you're also 70 years old i mean i'm also 70 years old or something 70. no uh i do have a heart condition um so i do i do qualify but i feel like uh do i really have a heart condition sure but is it does it gonna like am i at risk because of it no well tomorrow i totally backpedal on all this and go try to get the vaccine immediately possibly yeah depending on my mood no i don't know um wade snook says uh where what did he say it's very snappy is perfect hair considered a health condition dave i think it is
i think it is makes you a target for jealousy that can be a health condition yeah you know no but i know all these people who have been getting the vaccine who's who seem like perfectly healthy some
i know like i don't if i hear anyone's getting a vaccine i don't want to ask them like well how'd you do that you know oh i ask everybody i ask everyone and anyone under 65 who's gotten them like how did you get it and they're like oh i'm obese and i'm like no you're not like technically i am yeah i used to technically be obese and i could have gotten it then but am i the sucker then for just saying uh i'm good i'll wait until they have mine ready for and i'm not trying to actively go out and find the vaccine am i being am i being played here no i don't think so i think i think that's the way to handle it i i sort of look at it i mean again i may wake up tomorrow and tell a very different story but i think it's sort of like yeah when it's when they get when they let me know i'll go get it i'm excited to get it um and when i see people posting on the grams about how they got it i'm i'm jealous but also happy for them but uh no i sort of think of it as as i probably have already said because i keep using this analogy people are so driving over themselves to get it that it's like when you you know you're boarding an airplane and there's all the zones and you're like i'm in zone two let's say but all the zone three and four people are freaking out and clogging up making this whole log jam right i'm just going to sit down and i'm going to intentionally be the last person to board this plane yeah i'm not messing with this [ __ ] that i kind of feel like that you do well in traffic do i yeah like you're sitting in traffic are you the kind you just sort of apply that same mentality be like all right we're in traffic i'm not gonna freak out right now about it or are you like or do i like try to maneuver my way through the traffic yeah sort of looking for the angle and just adding ah no i hate those people are the people that try to like zip around and like be like oh i got in here i got a hit sometimes you gotta shoot the gap but yeah i hate it no i drive like an old lady
however an old lady drives i have no idea but um no i drive very slow i i get pulled over the last two times have been pulled over has just been for just horrible driving that of like someone that shouldn't be driving because that's a i drive so rarely didn't they ask you how old you were in asbury park i got pulled over and they asked me how old i was because my this is my first move i got pulled over a few weeks ago also in new jersey i was driving and and i was i had my phone because you know when you leave new york and you're trying to get to 80 and you don't have it memorized as well as i should it it tells you like some new turn and then it always screws you around and so i had my phone kind of up and then i was in the passing lane for a really long time and i got pulled over by a new jersey the new jersey version of of uh eric straub sure or whatever uh only it was a woman a young woman she didn't wear a mask i think and defiantly does she know who you were i said well i had my mask on but i did say it's celebrity dave hill she's on my license she's like haven't you been on basic cable
um but no the the last two times i've been pulled over both times were in new jersey and what i say right away is i never drive and i'm really horrible at it and i'm just doing my best does that get you out of it well yeah it has both times but the first time they couldn't really fathom what i had done which was just kind of i just kind of made up my own road in asbury park and uh they were just like what how old are you i don't think they were like looking at me saying like you look old i think they were thinking you look incredible right i think really the reaction was they looked at my license and were like this can't be real yeah because he looks too great through that old and um also my my driver's license which now like when you get your license renewed you can just keep using the same picture so my photo is from no one ever believes it's me because i have this really uh short very bad haircut i can't remember how or why i got it but it looks like i look like uh
i look like i work at um like what's that company cisco that sells like uh internet stuff no the one that sells like the food utensils i look like oh a plastic fork guy yeah i look like a plastic fork guy in my on my driver's license like if you saw my driver's license you would just be like that does not seem to be have any connection to who you are as a person and so that causes more trouble what's that now you're looking at that photo for 20 years now mm-hmm it's not good yeah i know the locks are not glamorous in any way not even for a short haircut
essentially a plastic cup concern i believe all your commercial supplies yeah like where roseanne worked in the first couple seasons she did yeah did she really before the uh concern yeah she worked at like a plastics factory okay she did and then she worked at that restaurant right yeah the loose meat place with bonnie bramlett and then she she's done right now roseanne right yeah they killed her off but she's she's not she can't come back and she she's like a an almond farmer or something now you imagine getting fired from a show that's named and based on you they were well i feel like if des and i were just like we're just gonna do the good time hour but you know because you did something horrible yeah you never know you never know
there's no reason me and chris have to stop just because you're a loose cannon man yeah i know this is true get a thing going who's going to take care of elvira this is true you want to talk speaking of which the number is three four seven four seven four two six zero the super chat is activated now oh we have super chat what is suit chris you explain it oh cause i don't i have no idea what it is if you look at the bottom of the chat if you're watching on youtube uh live not in the podcast farm yeah if you're watching it live and you see a little money symbol there if you click on that you can uh donate some money to the show and then you can we can pin your comment and talk about you on the show
okay this should go well guaranteed yeah to talk about that this is gonna go really well yeah we could say you know like one dollar and we will 100 read your comment and analyze it and analyze it okay let's do it we could make i would argue up to seven dollars and yeah the next day i mean you could donate more it's just you know you could why why we're humble yeah we'll take a call yeah let's take a call and i i am saying that with great reluctance but yeah why are you there hey how are you fine folks holding up hey man oh elvira we just got a 299. now how do we handle this we got a super chat elvira we might we gotta we we have to do we defer to the super chat now is it is it dave's birthday where they were from wait whoa whoa wait matt arnold wants to know does this work no you're not hanging okay hang up now he can't read the super chat hang up on him for this he's already violated it must be dave's birthday jessica jessica kybel says for 299 which i appreciate the number uh elvira is alvarez gone no he's here okay for a second well you you just can't read the super chat this is the problem overstepping the bounds man uh it is not my it isn't my birthday why i don't get it maybe because she donated money it's like it's dave's birthday oh it is i'm dying i am dying um i have that heart condition that's gonna enable me to get the vaccine immediately um i do actually have a heart condition it's called pulmonic stenosis and uh it's it's it's why it scared me for a second i thought maybe it was your birthday and um no my birthday is june 3rd yeah gemini it's coming fast and hard um matt arnold for five dollars said does this work and i i'm gonna have to answer yes it does it seems like the super chat oh happy on jessica kybel says happy unbirthday then for another 299. i think this might be the new show or we just we just yeah i love the increments of you know it should be like 299. billy d says how does one super chat you just click on the dollar sign at the bottom of the chat there and you can spend apparently oh my gosh genie murray says 20 for 21 20 and 21 cents if elvira reads my note i'm putting a stop payment on this donation hashtag god bless oh my god this is terrifying he's got off he might be there but he's not saying nothing now it's true john hodgman and i do share a birthday oh i share a birthday with some other people too like jason jones from the daily show also june 3rd i was at a wedding actually seated at a table with jason jones and it was both of our birthdays so did you guys talk no but at one point they surprised us by calling us up and saying it's both you guys birthdays it's very nice um d-bomb gosh this super chat thing is just spinning out of control wow chris is gonna have so much cocaine that's the one thing we forgot to say is we're spending it chris is spending all the money on cocaine this is not true no good um not cheap stuff not stepped up stepped on i don't know anything about the uh carrie king of megadeth he would carry king was only briefly in mega death right wait you can't read the comments if they're not paying okay well you can but yeah priority to the paid customers that's all genie is a guy this this super chat thing is spinning out of control so we can get a good subject going and if people really want to contribute this is great there's a great introduction to it all everybody's making sure it works it's really working great um now we got to think of a topic oh this is killing me i haven't thought this far into it super chat um star wars i just did that to play kate uh chrisker's back here our guest is gonna be uh coming on momentarily i think exciting we have uh an mvp guest clara kane who i don't know if she's been on this iteration of this show yet i don't think she has she's been on a few times the other one where is the time that she was on on an fmu a few times yeah yeah and mvp guess uh by all accounts no question michael braun says he refuses to recognize bald kerry keane king then that's refusing to write recognize most of carrie king's existence seems to um
super chat has lost its fire what happened we were like on really on our way to oh matt arnold's back with two dollars an initial flurry that's all i love this super chat more pedal talk um i did not get any new pedals in the last week i have to say thought i would didn't
wait i can't hear you guys now sorry i had to take care of something is ovirus still on the uh no phone just being quiet oh yeah okay no i just thought we had moved on so i just let him go actually politely but jessica bell says i love wade his one wait i love wade his one of my favorite maybe he is he's one of my favorite fans wade's great he's all right he's great oh boy where do we have claire yet
we don't know wait is it just two of us respects she's backstage he's backstage we we have a slick new setup where people can be backstage i don't understand it myself but chris tells me it exists let's bring her on why waste any any more time kim ferrari is checking in too with another humble tim ferrier 99 cents thank you kim oh speaking i got a quick chicken update while we bring claire up let's get a chicken update and then we'll bring claire on so we've got seven eggs seven chickens that lay eggs now out of our eight i'm just waiting on one more if you go to girls with lagrange we got video of the seventh chicken actually laying her first egg um you can check that out what's interesting this is this is like a regular sized egg this one's actually a green one you can't really tell with the crappy computer like but this is the other this is this is the egg that you got you really see the size difference i have a question yeah um where does the egg the egg comes out of a chicken hole that is not the butt what is it called i don't know specifically what it's called but it is the butt it is the butt same shoot yeah it comes out of the butt it's like if i'm if i understand it right it's basically like they're uh like when you're taking an off ramp on the highway you go one or two ways i'm listening or sometimes your ramps merge two different roads into one so the the poop and the chicken and the egg come out of the same spot that's why you got to keep them clean you got to rinse the eggs because they're covered in chicken we don't know you don't you don't you don't have to rinse them they're they're they sometimes come out a little dirty but only really from when they're in the in the coop maybe these these ones are pretty clean but you don't you actually don't rinse them you don't clean them because that'll immediately there's they're they're laid with like a sort of a little membrane not a membrane a coating that keeps them fresh the the i think we've talked about this before the eggs that you get at the supermarket those are probably like three or four months old already oh really but when you with fresh eggs you can leave them just sitting on the counter for a couple weeks and they don't do that without refrigeration correct yeah but if you clean them if you rinse them off then you have to put them in the refrigerator because they have this protective sort of coating that they're born with that keeps you know though which i believe is called [ __ ] no it's not [ __ ] it's not okay but i mean you know it's exciting um i think that it's understandable why i might think that yeah no i mean it's it's it's my mom doesn't like the chickens she loves the eggs she likes you know the theory of chickens and keeping them but when she comes over she wants nothing to do with like getting close to him at all it's a farm animal you know it's i love chickens it's joe iloco uh 6.66 funding for egg rinse
i have learned so much in the last two and a half minutes it's good stuff i never knew they came out of the chicken butt i didn't know that either it's pretty clean it's you know for all intents and purposes it's it's a different operation than what you might be familiar with so it's it stays pretty clean miriam this is important miriam banash says i'm here because mike guyer big mike guyer said i should follow dave because of toast this is true so what is the best bread to toast dave i believe the best bread to toast is i think it's wheat really because um it's sort of it's sort of like a blank canvas for good times and it's not it doesn't have uh
although i guess you could toast like a nice uh
you know naturally and what's what's it called what that's not all shitty white bread like a good white bread rye not white bread that's not what right it's not you mean like yeah i'm passing the white all together i like toasting rye bread but then that's not then you can't go like you can't zig and zag wherever you want once you get the rye involved you know like you can't put peanut butter on it you can't put jelly on it you got to stay savory let's see you're talking like a country white then like a thick i think i might be yeah rustic sort of yeah but i've been a lot of people been uh sharing their toast with me on instagram and i've been learning a lot someone even sent me like a toast or a link to toast art whoa and i would argue all toast is art true and i say as i say this i still can't stop thinking about the fact that eggs come out of the chicken butt yeah wait no okay we got the chicken i'm sorry i i literally just spent the last five minutes talking about chicken butts but let's get claire on the program i apologize to claire for being derailed by talk of chicken buttholes as as i so often am is she around there she is there you go does she walk among us the butt hey claire hi just quick do they pee out of their butt this is a good question that's a good question i think it's all all their uh discharge is is mixed into the same big chickens really pee i'll have to look into it more but it's it's the chicken [ __ ] is the problem chicken piss is not but everything say that again but they don't the everything so everything just comes out of one you get one shot one whole i think it's called the vent i saw i think elvira reminded me it's called the vent the vent oh that's that that sounds like a morning radio zoo event what a 2.2 event i read an interview with the late larry flint recently well no i didn't read it recently he died recently hasn't met but in it in this interview he claimed and i disagree with this even though i he said any any guy that grew up on a farm and claims he did not have sex with animals is lying i thought gary busey said that i attribute that quote to larry flint from the interview that i read i'm sure a couple of guys said that and he claims that he had sex with the chicken the late larry flynn see that what i heard was that gary busey had sex with like a sheep or something
that's totally i don't know anyway but allegedly oh boy i don't i shouldn't have brought this up because i don't think we should pursue the idea of later feeling having sex with the chicken um claire how are you i'm pretty good i'm hiding myself view do you guys keep your self view on on zoom to see what you look like i vary because some it depends sometimes i love this side of myself i can't get enough of it no i'm usually horrified by it so sometimes i have to turn it off just to just to not throw up all over my computer
who's that that's dez you know dez right yeah oh i don't know why it sounded like the voice was coming from somewhere else another frequency uh i'm good i i'm just checking out my teeth okay now i'm gonna hide myself view there's a lot uh i'm doing a lot that's all i'm gonna say like presently or in the big picture well in the big picture i've recently started whitening my teeth which i've never done before oh you gotta do that for show business you have to it's either that or get adult braces oh my god
quarantine um i i just did some white some whitening myself really if anyone noticed i never really like finished the packet i just kind of dabble with a little bit because it always says the one that i bought said like here here's a bunch of the regular ones and then there's two in the packet that say these will both erase like five years of damage so i was just like well i'll just do those two and be done with it you know yeah i've never done it before so i can't really tell i i feel like there's something going on there's something happening but i'm doing the very like you put a gel in like a mouthpiece a mouth guard and then you have this light this like uv ray that's supposed to activate it better do you guys are you familiar with this i just know what you're talking about did you have to get a prescription or something or special doctor's orders for this or you just got it off this off the shelf just cold hard internet cash nice oh the internet i thought it because i was gonna say if you got it at cvs this strikes me as an object where someone has to get the keys
and like they're not just letting you grab that all willy-nilly no no way i live in a neighborhood where every um item is behind a plastic whatever they don't trust anybody they understand anybody no excuse me i keep i'm gonna i'm gonna give yourself a beverage you need to refill on your water i don't know what's going on with me you huff and dust well today today was not you know a lot of people think of me as super healthy fit guy right today i had lucky charms for breakfast
uh a room temperature filet of fish and french fries from mcdonald's for lunch like you know when it's been out for like a long time why was it out for so long because it just came it was brought to my attention uh i found out about it later than i should have um and i was and i and you can't microwave that stuff because it starts to transition into another thing all together and then and then i ate um
for dinner i had pasta and and some a caprese salad so and a klonopin in there somewhere oh yeah so rock and roll great yeah it's i i just started taking klonopin just temporarily is klonopin for pain or for pain it's for the ladder okay it's for the latter but the problem is when you have them around then you what anything can be pain i just had a particularly annoying phone call and i was just like i haven't taken any of this today i'll take some of this
all it took all it took what's up with you guys oh y'all just uh we're doing all right i mean i can't speak for everybody we've uh but everyone seems pretty good i'll let the other fellas answer doing all right yeah great dealing with the chicken [ __ ] okay so you're you're fully on a farm does no we just have chickens in the yard yeah showing off some some small egg before so we you know we got a little flock little backyard chicken dave likes to exaggerate the farm aspects but you know you got a coop yeah the nice one i think when someone has chickens and lives on a farm but we need to address that as often as possible i got a quick phone call you want to get on let's take a call well vira canaveral did the super chat 2.23 cents my gender is gonzo because gonzo is quote unquote whatever okay i'm just gonna let that float on down the river i don't know what it means but i accept it i guess the muppet gonzo is doesn't have a gender or he does is that true i don't know i never heard that he said whatever it is yeah something like that um let's take the call jimmy there yeah i'm here jim biederman jim biederman oh hey jim oh wow yeah i had to i i've been called i've been called in to fact to fact check you uh in regards to uh gary busey and having sex with the farmer oh please
uh gary bucy as you know i don't know why i say it like that i did a show with gary which aged me about 20 years and um one of the things he told me once was that growing up in oklahoma which is where he grew up on a farm him and his cousin used to um [ __ ] cows in the ass that he got caught once he got caught once by his cousin's mother who gave him they gave him she gave him both a whoopin um but he showed me how you do it like you have to get up on the stool the correct height it's an angle yeah um did he demonstrate this with a cow he's totally demonstrated how it worked and um he said that anyone who grew up on a farm and this is i guess the fact check he told me anyone who grew up on the farm and didn't and claimed to not have sex with animals
well this is exactly what larry flynn said maybe that's just a common thing there so now i'm wondering if the chicken and egg no pun intended who said it first
they could both have that gary steeler did could they both have yeah of course they could have parallels not an original thought sure um well as i recall as long as since we've since we're since we're at this point in the discussion as i recall i could google this i guess but i remember that
larry flynn said he had sex with the chicken yeah get go clear get on that and the interviewer said how and larry flynn said you [ __ ] him in the egg bag is this what you're getting yeah wait does it really say that this is a it's something about egg sack but he he well he put his he put his dingle in the in the chicken when he was nine
oh that's kind of it that's kind of what i love about it is you can't just say i put the penis in the chickens vagina it's always like my tingle in the egg yeah yeah well haven't we established that they don't have it's it's just uh the vent i guess and can i say claire your teeth look so white right now well i'm i'm showing them all off busy style because i just can't believe what i'm reading right now this interview he lost his own virginity at the age of nine to a chicken he describes penetrating its egg sac and how when i let the chicken go it started towards the main house staggering squawking and bleeding so he killed it
i explained which is what you do after when you lose your virginity to a chicken you have to kill it it's part of the problem yeah it's kind of a ritual that's gnarly this is deeply just i don't remember that ass i mean it was just um it was a very disturbing story already but the fact that it ended in murder oh boy as far as i know gary bc did not kill the cow then that much i know how did now jim peterman how did how did this subject you were working on the uh i'm with busy show
um and how did that come up i think i mean biederman could have a whole one-man show where he just tell story about working on that i don't know well um it was it was the best and the worst thing i've ever the worst time i've ever had in my entire life but um he would just come up with these things like i think we were we were shooting outside up in the um in topanga canyon in california like out in california and we were on a ranch and he started he told me like he would always it's always crazy stories so either biederman did i ever tell you the time i [ __ ] the colony
by the way gary i'm surprised it hasn't come up before no you haven't wow and part of it was that he was so you know he was in that motorcycle accident and as you like to say um a quarter of my brain the quarter of my brain is still somewhere on a highway in dallas like really they didn't pick it up like what did they just leave it there and it he had to memorize everything uh what's the thing um a new mnemonic is that what it is where you you know every good boy deserves savor right so he would he would memorize his lines that way he would be you know he he had trouble his brain didn't work like a horse like normal people so he would blurt these things out like you know never tell you the time i had you know sex with a cow or or he would tell me the times you would say did i ever tell you the time i spiked to keep keradine's coffee with acid oh no and then of course they were such great come online like you know such great pickup lines i couldn't resist you know i'd be like i must know what what was that like and so he got up i'll never forget it he was on a there was a wooden you know like a fence like a a ranch fence yeah you know uh and he stood up on the he told me he had to get up to a certain height because the uh the cow's uh ass you know was higher up and sure and um and then he would and he literally pantomimed the whole thing and i said what did it i just said what did it feel like he said moist oh seems like a like a real pyrrhic victory uh what what you mean the actual mounting of the cow or just uh for all the details involved in the it seems like it's just a minor detail that he gets off at some point but the fact that like uh you've got cow [ __ ] all over you presumably uh there's just a lot of things that strike me as not worth it that's the part of my that i never even got to that like maybe my brain just kind of shuts down but i never really got that far in my head but i also think you know by the way the story didn't it doesn't end with um becoming um with him satisfying himself his cousin's mother came running out of the out of their house i believe i believe you're talking about his aunt and stopped stopped him in the middle of it stop and say that oh so okay so that's just one more thing on the list he still has the cow [ __ ] on his neck but the fact is he didn't satisfy himself because i'm just saying like it's it presumably it's not taking place like where where it's not easy to clean up you're out in a barn or something yeah um so like i like where you're going with this like it's well you know it's not as sanitary a lot of some of the logistics i mean if you're gonna have sex if you're gonna [ __ ] a cow in the ass i would hope you're doing it in a sanitary area yeah yeah it's where you can clean it up weigh the pros and cons first and then proceed
wow a lot to think about when you're about to [ __ ] town yes and uh and i asked him who started it like was it who discovered it basically and he said oh no he's my cousin he's a horny [ __ ] and uh and that was like about he was about 13 or something like that wow yeah so there you go love it i didn't realize i just learned this the other day that that gary busey had some accident and that's why he is the way he is i didn't know i thought he was just a weirdo yeah he was he he was riding a motorcycle without a helmet um on the uh the highway outside of dallas i think it's called they're called the grapevine and um he uh he spun out and like literally i mean you know cracked his head open brain splattered all over the highway but um he had to relearn how to he had to re-learn a lot of stuff like how to talk how to walk and um but he tells it that he had a um like a he died on the operating table and that uh he had a whole you know thing where he went up to heaven and there was this white light and he felt warmth and he just wanted to die and go there be with jesus because then jesus is calling me and um and then he kept hearing his name being called and then jesus comes to him and says not yet gary your work isn't done which i'm assuming means that jesus knew we were going to do it with museum he sent him back um and so he tells you this whole thing and it's it's so it's very elaborate and and then he had like he had a his religious conversion at that point but then you know he would go and do these um uh big tent revival things where he'd go and basically witness that you know his his experience would have near-death experience and then jesus came to him and sent him back here to to preach to everyone else and we were shooting we were supposed to shoot one weekend he said like and he knew this for like two months and he just announced like the thursday before the weekend i can't i'm going to dallas i was like we knew we were shooting we had we booked this whole thing and he said yeah but i yeah i gotta i could just preach him i was like but gary the thing is we've had this on the calendar for two [ __ ] months and we can't rearrange this right now it's thursday we're shooting on saturday he's like right right well biermann i got to go to dallas i mean i got to go preach and then this we go back and forth we turn to this big argument and he finally just breaks down and tells me biederman they pay me ten thousand dollars in cash
and that was when i knew like oh yeah he's reborn he totally reborn yeah oh yeah but yeah he had a big accident on the highway it was it was famous i think it was i think it kind of like there was a question as to whether he'd ever like talk again um but he's obviously we know that he uh but he's yeah i mean there's something seriously wrong with him he was a handful before that even though still as it is he was i know i know someone uh who dated him in the early 80s and she said he was like just a wild man um he used to do it he used to do this thing get a jeep you know a jeep with no roof and um he would he would drive on the beach with his um he jammed like a shoe into the gas pedal so it was just like pedal to the metal and then he would drive the um the jeep doing donuts but he would drive it the steering wheel with his feet and she said it was like you just were waiting for him to die i mean it was like he was always doing things like that that was way before the accident um he was just a nut job i mean he was why we love him he was 13 years old we have uh quickly we have to read the super chat otherwise you know but i gotta go i gotta go we're not trying to get rid of you jim uh we have more abuses i hear you no i understand no i do actually all right can you call back with more abusey talk soon yeah not tonight i got to do some editing oh [ __ ] off
i'll call another time or something whatever you want to talk to gary come all right thank you jim biederman hi jay bye guys wow that was some very strong gary busy content i didn't think we would top uh the fact that i learned that eggs come out of a chicken butt but here we are it happens billy d says please rank and order a favorite filet of fish lego ketchup barrel full of follow monkeys or claire o'kane well i think we know claire o'cain is first you misspelled claire there's no i oh that's okay common mistake um also my middle name as discussed claire yeah we've discussed this no it's your grandfather's name right but it is my it's my actual middle name like the guy from uh lolita yes i mean probably there was i just know that's the only example of a male claire i've ever seen i even like even on a lot of documents it says clarence because i would i didn't like when i was younger that it was claire because i thought it was a girl's name but uh i understand as a grown man i've grown comfortable with it and i feel like our friendship has made me uh feel even better about it
i don't want to to ruin that no you did that but well let's let's finish this claro kane is first yeah uh i gotta go fillet if let's go barrel a monkey is that i don't know is that the toy where they're like yeah pull out you string them together they look together yeah i like that that's pretty cool what's kego ketchup i don't know what that is is that a thing it's a bunch of ketchup a keg just a big old thing of ketchup think of like a cow's ass full of ketchup all right then that's firmly in the number uh three slot then play a fish fillet of fish comes in last i guess i never had a filet of fish i never never got the opportunity oh claire when we get to the other side of this we gotta go get a fillet of fish i'm exhausted i don't think i've ever had a filet of fish but i don't want one is it good don't get the job done you know it's as long as it's fresh and hot something about fish in a fast food capacity never had like a fish stick i have but on my own you know i put it on the sheet tray and i put it in the oven all right it's the same thing
fish in the hands of another man for some reason chicken i have no problem beef sure you gotta handle it something about fish it's delicate this is true um you want to talk to jimmy from kearney let's do it let's do it jimmy are you there yeah hey jess hey dylan good say hey hey dave hey jimmy hey claire what's up chris hey jimmy how you guys doing really great you sound great by the way that's relaxed i'm a little better than a couple of weeks ago i apologize for that they sound great yeah no you sound great no no i really don't think that uh it would kick in that quickly would kick in
but it's good to hear and see claire again oh yeah great to be back and my sword was when she opened for you it was like october of forget what year actually was it in new jersey for you when union hall was it when you did the uh taping of your oh the album recording most recent comedy album yeah great job excuse me thank you it was a hot time hot times hot times in the before times yeah when you could shake someone's hand when you could spit in your hand and then shake their hand i can't wait to get back to that
i had sort of a semi-farm experience i used to walk horses at the meadowlands and my uh part of my junior year in high school year and i mean junior and senior high school year i'd have to get up real early and drive about seven miles up there and any horse coming off of his workout whether it was six furlongs three furlongs a gallop at a mile or whatever they'd have to be walked around inside the barn before being placed back in the stall so you basically are are cooling them down by walking them around and then letting them have a drink of water like every seventh or eighth turn around the barn
and then so it was interesting i got thrown by a four-year-old philly named twice a queen i forget what her barn name was but they all had barn names that most people use like potomac pass was like a five-year-old yelling but the trainer called him george and the other grooms called him george so he'd say george is coming back from a six furlong or five for a long workout i want you to take them around for you know whatever a half hour so but twice a queen
i made the mistake of not giving her her head uh there's a there's a leather shank that goes up through onto the bridle and you're supposed to hold that shank while you're leading them around the barn taking them off the track after their workout so twice the queen she was like getting fractious with me i don't know why because i had walked her before but she was the most fractious horse in his barn so she was the most nervous and kind of jumpy animal he had this trainer so she uh pulled she kept on like pulling away from me and i got pissed off and i put all my weight which was only 135 pounds but it was i was pretty much solid musk i've been working on it no one's questioning that lifts her neck up and froze me i let go of the shank because i don't know what you know i see your two hooves go past my eyes and i come right down flat on my back from about five feet so i saw all these little s like swirls like in front of me and i i got up and i had to go right to the side of the barn because she literally was running around the inside of the barn with very tight turns and i could feel her body go up against me and if she had her really leaned into it she probably would have broke my ribs and i hear the trainer his name was tony leone the trainer yells out loose horse so like some guy who was about six inches shorter than me and i'm not tall from oklahoma he just stood right in front of the animal and grabbed the shank and she just stopped on a dime you know you just gotta have the guts to do that but i was afraid of getting totally trampled but uh god can can i can i back you up there's an experience you me this ties in jessica kybel who did a super chat for 4.99 can we tell a plain old dick joke sometime and this isn't quite a dick joke but dick joke adjacent a gelding to clarify that is that is a horse with just a dick and no balls right yeah yeah they cut their hands off now is there an example of a horse with just the balls i'm not aware of it in your dreams
biology going on interesting although i guess it's possible i think it would have to be some disease and they'd say well we'll have to do this but then we'll uh you know we'll have to keep close eye on it so it doesn't get infected but they have to balance well the horses is a good enough animal to run and make some purse money so we'll we'll do this but i never came across it all right fair enough yeah you know jimmy i i don't mean to er i changed the subject so quick but but you know any any anyone that's ever heard you calling the show is well aware you you have the voice of an angel it just seems to have you on the line and not ask you to sing at least just a few bars of something as long as we got yeah it seems like a real shame is there any and we'll get back to talking about other stuff but uh before we do that would you be willing to just give us a few bars of something yeah yeah absolutely let me just put the phone out a little bit yeah let it breathe
someday when i'm awfully low and the world is cold
i will feel a glow just thinking god damn it thinking it was i did it again what happened where is he oh i just wanted to get a little like a voice but i [ __ ] it up i'm sorry we gotta get these phones fixed jimmy if you're out there all right please feel free to call back uh really sorry you could retell that story about the horse um from the beginning that would be great too that would be i was sort of i'd follow questions i did too um i see jimmy loving working at the track he seems made for it yeah that's his place i mean not really not to encourage him to gamble or anything i know he's trying to you know that but it's you know seems made made for the track too bad never been to a track oh it's great fun i hear they got cheap hot dogs good hot dogs couple cold beers oh yeah two dollar bets if you walk in with a mentality of like i'm just gonna hang out and spend 20 bucks and have a couple beers and try to pick a couple winners you can't lose did they serve beer at otb or is that not yeah they do yeah they do they they don't still have otb i don't know they have a it's it's not otb but it's like an off track it is an ltv but um yeah they got a full bar there where is it there's one here in uh i guess that's like woodbridge
out over here i remember when they used to have them in new york city i think it's called finishers is the name of the place my grandfather was like big into otb like at his funeral a bunch of otb people came like friends of his who he hung out with now what is otb i'm unfamiliar off track betting bedding
it was you see them
they would be all over new york it would just be this sad storefront and inside would just be a bunch of uh men watching tv screens and you could go it would just everyone was smoking smoking their cigarette butts on the floor it was a real uh scene i remember it when i was just like a little when i was just in short pants i used to go in there
i would dance around i would do my sexy kitty dance for whatever it flipped nickels at you yeah and then out then i would run on down to the next one now where where are you now claire are you in uh are you in brooklyn i'm still in brooklyn yeah yeah yeah i assume so but yeah clarify for the and you've been in new york for the whole time for the whole pandy well i traveled a little bit you know it and it was ill-advised but i did it and i'm still here to tell the tale but it wasn't it wasn't worth it
where did you go well the the biggest trip i took was to la we flew to l.a whoa for a week um and i think it was maybe like last july and i was just really missing my friends all my all my best friends lived there and so we wore goggles and whatnot on the plane and you had a goggle hang the goggle hang hung out in the backyard with everybody it was nice but it was still still just like what are we what are we doing what are we doing yeah
well you survived i survived um and it was really interesting to see what airports were like in the midst of it all what were they like they were go ghost town usa.com it was freaky it was real freaky flying at midnight yeah quiet all the time though quiet as hell real spooky fast fast lines nice zip on through zip on through to the other side everyone at j working at jfk though um a lot of people were not wearing masks really the people tsa yeah the gsa people were not wearing masks really yeah so oh because this was like wait really oh they probably weren't mandated yet i guess they weren't but i feel like remember in like i don't know when you split town dave but i feel like like april may things were really like visibly awful or like it was palpable and you could hear all these sirens you mean in new york in new york city yeah oh yeah i split um in march when there was a they put a mobile morgue on my corner and i thought let's go for a drive yeah that's smart yeah but to me like after living through all that and then like still not wearing a mask i don't know seems kind of wild
i don't know i don't know well hopefully we're uh hopefully we're getting there getting to the other side ish our curve of it kind of feels like it has anybody have you guys been vaxxed yet you've been poked no no we were talking about that like i uh i know of some people who have like through like medical uh loopholes yeah and i think i think i actually qualify for one that i could get it but i feel like i don't it's not real a real threat so uh why not i say that now i might wake up tomorrow and be like i'm on my way yeah but um what about your dad he's got it he's gotten both of them nice nice yeah yeah he's totally surfs up oh wow a couple more um super chats here some super chats well we missed honestly never considered you might top that one episode where never mind i don't know what that refers to maybe the trunk butt discussion the what butt the pink sock ew that seems to be other every other episode come on but there was one episode where i think we discussed it for like an hour the pink sock that comes out of your butt yep that's when you want when you work it too hard yeah are you you're you see you've heard of the pink sock clear oh yeah i don't know why well i've heard of the pink sock from the front butt you i guess the front sock wait what where your front sock could come out if you're a woman if you're of the vaginal sword oh oh a woman's front can come out i've never heard of that yeah i'm pretty sure what's that called prolapsed vagina uh maybe i mean that sounds about right can we get a super chat a quick check on that let's get a super chat 20 bucks uh john bailey asks is engdave still alive i believe so yes oh thank god should probably call him uh oh uh maybe i got neil's on the phone you want to ask him yes i think if anyone can settle this it's nils nils you're there yeah king dave bring dave is right beside me he's oh rock and roll
wow
i haven't i have a question for claire yeah this is what we need have you ever have you been ever to a farm or uh like a anywhere there's like a lot of chickens um my aunt and uncle had a couple chickens and a goose named lucy but um no never never on the they were always like urban farm situations never like a wide open space let them but eat the bugs kindness kind of thing so like lucy the goose and you became friends like when you were young or yeah yeah we became really good friends we wrote a screenplay together it didn't work out um no lucy the goose who would bite would try to bite me all the time i didn't have a good relationship with any farm animals i ever came into contact with oh geese are aggressive yeah they can be no one's [ __ ] geese i could tell you that sure that's yeah it seems like they'd be harder to negotiate they're just not sexy and yeah they're not oh it doesn't they don't put out no yeah i'm with dave on this one plenty sexy
man oh man i guess i've got my question out of the way okay cool yeah niels what what's going on up there in merrickville canada ontario oh i everything everything and nothing um just on that shouldering of like spring is near but the brutal storms are moving through and uh you know hot during the day cold and nights so the shed is a little bit of uh the garage i should say whatever is a little bit of a
little pinch point right now um and uh i got i got a tooth extracted today oh you really buried the lead which one uh somewhere back in the middle like something not really important but um like you know when you're in the middle of it and it's so arduous so like angrifying i don't know if that's a word but uh you actually start feeling sorry for the dentist because he's working harder
did you get any of the gas pardon me did you take any of the gas or did you do it kind of straight uh they they had like two levels of freezing but it was just annoying like at one point like both like the dentist and the assistant were almost pretty much on top of me and i was upside down at this point and like i whatever it was exhausting how long were you in the chair pardon me how long were you there yeah i think it was probably like well over an hour uh like there was just a lot of grinding and uh yeah the worst part is you can't swallow like during the whole thing and uh anyways uh everyone i've spoken to since i talked to this that i'm talking about this too because you know i want my feelings to be massaged and uh the massive invasion of my mouth to be did you get any drugs out of it
no they just prescribed the regular and i was like well i'm already on that cycle of advil tylenol you know just because of my frozen lifestyle but uh oh no the worst thing is like oh you can't do this you can't do that after like blah blah blah
no drinking no eating do you get stitches it's a mess i just had a tooth pulled last week which is [ __ ] it it feels like i have a spider's legs like uh dangling from the roof of my mouth right now yeah well i was trying to explain them it's monday night it's monday night i have tomorrow off like freaking today's good time hour like beer cigarettes you know all that and they're like what i'm like oh god so then i sat the dentist into the dentist chair and started telling them that like monday night
but overall uh i just uh no but i'm really enjoying the show like uh the beastiality aspect is really i don't know i think we lost a few people also also the tooth whitening but it all ties in you know um it does i have listened to you before and uh you have like the voice of a maple tree dripping syrup and when springtime like this
love hearing you guys and uh i actually love everybody in the dave hill universe so uh well i'm gonna have a little drink here and um we'll carry forth eh yeah yeah the feelings mutual nails we'll see you soon i hope you sound like you have all of your teeth so it's like you know keep on rocking and rolling yeah you can't lose you can't lose okay well now i have a place to put a cigar that's a little nook you guys have a good night and i'm gonna go for a pee all right thank you niels
bye nails later someone in the chat asked if he had a pink sock and i thought i shouldn't ask him that wait till he hangs over good guy get a frontal pink sock that's what i thought claire you were referring to i thought oh you're always just thinking about your own
your own parts well i thought it was like i was like i felt like you meant like the urethra could like fall out or something get infected and flare out i'm sure something crazy can happen it's still whenever i watch that show um sex sent me to the er which if you haven't
good stuff a lot of broken penises and i didn't realize you could break your penis oh sure oh dennis rodman i think dennis robin broke his penis three a couple of times three times i think it like it causes like can cause lasting damage i would think so yeah yeah i think like what happens is people are like pumping away and then they miss whatever hole they're after and it breaks and then um i heard a story once assuming claire tell me if they discuss this on the program uh-huh it's like send me to the year but i have a friend who told me a story about a guy she was intercoursing with who tried so hard not to finish that he reverse ejaculated baculated
it went the other direction
yeah he was trying so hard not to ejaculate that it went in the other direction and like shredded his junk his inner junk
he had to go to the hospital and it was a whole situation oh my god huh i don't know how you hold that back i'm just gonna say it there's i don't know how he did it but i heard this story from uh my friend and i heard the story from the perspective of her friend who who then took the guy to the hospital oh my god because apparently he was so
upset at my friend because he initially assumed that uh that she had given him something because he was like what like thought he blamed her for it basically and then as a result a third party got involved
and brought him to the house he's brought him to the hospital wow so it's just like does it become like a toxic like almost like a toxic shock what happens i guess i mean it was apparently it was just like a really bad scene where they they had to call the guys parents and send them home like they were they were in a vacation destination and uh they had to be like retrograde ejaculation oh and there you have it doesn't sound good
we really ticked a lot of boxes on this episode learned a lot you get background into the bladder is what happens there oh my god that's what that is sucks oh boy unfortunate always shoot your shot yeah i was hoping there would be a term on urban dictionary for great ejaculation but there is not one yet night's not over
oh my gosh we only have a few minutes left are there any uh super chat actions we missed
i mean if people keep you know paying for super chats we can keep going i know i love this super chat uh jessica kybel says claire i wish i could say it
i wish i could say it not always like this but i cannot tell what does this mean it's a basically she she loves you please come back okay it's not all pink sock talk all the time oh that's her point okay i think claire is well aware that uh you know that things can go it can be just very sophisticated sometimes and sometimes yeah sometimes we just talk of you and i talk about coasters different kinds of coasters you can put yeah yeah we cover all matter so what is this the third or fourth iteration of this particular show dave it i think this is the third of we keep changing the name and combining and stuff just to confuse i just worry like any sort of consistency might lead to
what are you running away from success
i just don't want to be pinned down i understand thank you for joining us claire yeah thanks for having me please come back if you're willing i'd love to this is great i meant to ask what what beverage are you drinking have you been drinking this whole time um well i got this really cool cup recently from a store but i uh put gin and then a lime wedge and then some sort of like raspberry seltzer from spin drift oh that sounds delightful it's really good i don't know if it's like asmr whenever you kind of clink the ice cubes near the mic yes it sounds you experience retro you experience retrograde ejaculation
oh wait wait and did you get a new tattoo of popcorn on your bucket yeah i gotta put i got a dad one now oh wow mom one oh those are nice yeah when did you get those i've had this for a while i think i've seen that i got this a couple months ago a tattoo shop opened across my across the street from me so i figured might as well understand that i know i know you're bare-skinned right dave you're i'm there you're all pink i'm all pink straight on up to the stink that i know of that could change you never know maybe post pandy dave could be just tats are you getting paid to make pandy a thing that's the third time you said panda pants i'm trying to get it i'm my thing that i think i can bring to these times is i'm i believe i've coined pre pandy and post pandy okay it's the show i've heard it so so because i feel like it's more fun that way it it'll take away some of the trauma that we
can experience yeah yeah oh and there's a dog your sweet see my dog hello say hi penny all right we should stop we should sign off thanks everybody uh who tuned in live and thanks for everyone listening in the futuristic podcast format if you would like to support this incredible program go to maximumfun.org join claire where can everyone find you you're on the grams i'm on instagram claire is okay you figure out how to spell it and my website is clarocaine.com nice for all your clear okay needs excellent sorted thank you everyone chris write us off into the sunset we got one last super chat here oh jesus christ uh american avril i do jazz hands as a shortcut to point to everything you know what we're gonna have to pick that up next week i'm not even sure what that means
but thank you
good night good night goodnight
everybody